I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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