I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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