I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
