im about as happy as oj after his trial
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
