I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
