I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
