Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
