he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
