Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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