i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
