im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
How external is "for external use only"?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
