his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
