Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
