I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
