nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
