i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
