You were right. It hurts to walk today.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
