Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
