You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
