My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
