Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
