Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
