I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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