I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
