hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
