i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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