Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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