I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
