Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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