my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
