Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
