She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i came on her dog
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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