As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
