ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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