Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
