y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
