no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
