I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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