My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
