At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
