Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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