goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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