last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
