mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
