You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
