ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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