there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
