i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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