i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
