Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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